Christmas With Delta Squad

There's no doubt that the members of Delta Squad (from Epic's smash hit series Gears of War) are highly effective killing machines, born and bred for the battlefield.  But how would they fare in more mundane, everyday situations?  Let's explore this concept as we join Marcus, Dom, Baird, and Cole as they do some last minute Christmas Shopping:

The Gears are in one of the few remaining department stores on the planet.  As Marcus and Dom approach the register, they see that the line stretches far back from the registers and into the aisles, with at least fifty people in front of them.

MARCUS

Aw, come on!

DOM

What did you expect, Marcus?  Every other functioning department store went down into Locust country with Jacinto.

MARCUS

Yeah, well I'm not the kind of guy to wait patiently in a line.  I see a line like this, I want to buzz through it with the chainsaw on my lancer.

DOM

Well you can't do that.  These are the people we're fighting to protect, remember?  There's no reason to keep attacking the Locust horde if we're just going to kill everyone ourselves.

MARCUS

Hey, you're right!  We are fighting to protect them!  They should let us enter at the front of the line as a reward for our service!

DOM

Uh, Marcus, I don't think that's such a good-

Marcus walks up to an old lady near the front of the line.

MARCUS

Hey!  I'm one of the Gears who's poured out his blood for your life!  Let me cut in front of you!

Moments later, Marcus and Dom are standing near the back of the line.  Marcus is sporting a black eye, while Dom is trying to keep from busting out laughing.  Baird wanders over with some toys in hand. 

BAIRD

Alright!  Thanks for grabbing a spot in line.

MARCUS

Oh no, Baird!  You go to the back with the rest of the garbage!

BAIRD
Come on, man!  You'll just have to wait for me when you're done!  Wait...what happened to your eye?

MARCUS

Nothing.

DOM

BAH HAH HAH!

MARCUS

Not a word, Dom!

BAIRD
What?  What happened?

DOM

Marcus got punched out by an old lady!

Baird and Dom buckle over from laughter.

MARCUS

Hey, shut up!  That old bag is tougher than she looks!  She could probably tear the legs off a Corpser with her bare hands!

BAIRD
Oh God!  Mr. Macho Man Marcus Phoenix ain't such hot stuff after all!

Marcus grabs Baird and kicks him in the groin.  Baird buckles over and falls to the ground.

BAIRD
Oh God, man!  Why?!

MARCUS
Who's laughing now, jackass?

DOM
Dude.  Not cool.

MARCUS
Oh, he had it coming and you know it.

Cole runs over to the line.

COLE
Oh yeah, Cole Train in the house!

DOM
Hey Cole.

MARCUS
About time you got here.  I hope you aren't thinking of cutting in line with us too.

COLE
Nah, son.  Cole is gonna get himself some Zhu Zhus, baby!

DOM
Are you serious?  Cole, those things have been sold out for months!

COLE
I'm sure they've got some in the back.  You just gotta know how to sweet talk them employees.

A couple of kids go speeding by the line inside of shopping carts, cheering with excitement.  The Delta Squad members look at each other, and idea forming in their heads.

MARCUS
If they can ride 'em, so can we!

Delta Squad starts to race one another inside of shopping carts.

MARCUS
Merry Christmas, to one and all!